OK, you handed out your flyers, the RSVPs have come in and now it's (Saturday) afternoon and people are knocking at your door carrying covered dishes. What do you do now?

The following are just suggestions. The basic rules are: play it by ear. You may want to follow the tried and true process developed by Conversation Café which we’ve adapted below; it is easy to follow and ensures a safe environment for everyone so that the conversation will be deep and rich. Plan at least an hour or 90 minutes for this conversation process.

First: Make sure everybody signs in. The sign-in list is one of the most important things to come out of your potluck...it’s a vital resource for future activities. Be sure to have space for phone numbers and e-mail addresses on the sign-up list.

Next: Let people mill around and chat with each other and munch on chips or appetizers.

And then: When you think that everybody has come who’s going to come, go around the room and ask people to introduce themselves, including where they live. Invite everyone to gather their plate of food so they’ll be well stocked during the conversation – and gather in your living room or around the table (Try to make it as circle-like as possible so everyone can see each other and there is no “back seat”.) Once everyone is assembled, food in hand, your structured conversation can begin.

(Below we present one possible flow of conversation. You may substitute any devices of your own to stimulate participation by everyone.)

When the discussion begins to be repetitive, or when people stop stepping forward, you've probably reached a good time to take a break and get dessert! But let everyone know you want a little more group discussion – say in 20 minutes…

At the closing gathering, encourage group discussion directed towards possible future action and future contact with each other.

This would be a good time to announce that those who want to can send an e-mail to government leaders on your computer, which is conveniently right in the next room. (E-mail addresses are on the web site, http://potlucksfopeace.org under Vital Info.) ( No e-mail? Have paper and envelopes ready.) While this letter writing is going on, ask for ideas on What to do Next: Discussion might involve getting everybody to put up a yard sign. Perhaps you could set up carpools from your neighborhood.

Also, be sure to pass the hat! Use this opportunity to collect funds to finance further activities.

With these simple plans, you and your neighbors will share your thoughts, feelings and ideas for action in one-to-two-hour, hosted conversation groups. Discover and deepen your ideas by speaking them. Learn new perspectives through listening. Together, we will make the path to peace – locally and globally - by talking.

Conversation Cafe offers training for hosts in the fine art of holding a conversation among a group of people that may not know each other very well. Vicki Robin, co-founder of Conversation Cafés, conducts the training. A great deal of information is available on the Conversation Café site.

You can ignite the dialog without getting burned. Here are some suggestions to give everyone a chance to talk about how they feel and end up with a focus on future action and future contact with each other.

To get a discussion started, start talking. As host, you can start the ball rolling, or designate someone you know pretty well to make a few remarks to set the tone. Describe your feelings and ideas about the proposed Iraq war. Talk about how you started to get these views and how they developed, and why you decided to hold a potluck. Talk a little bit about what you think it will take to have an impact in public policy making. Don’t talk very long. 5-6 minutes max.

Announce that you’ve had your say, but you really want to hear from everybody else. If nobody volunteers immediately, call on some one by name and ask them a provocative question such as, “Bill, can you tell us why you are here today?” If Bill doesn’t grab the ball and run with it, try someone else. “Sharon, what made you decide to put up that No War sign on your lawn? And tell us where you got that sign.”

You will almost certainly start a discussion that will go on for an hour or even longer if you don’t put a stop to it. Try to keep the discussion moving. If somebody starts speechifying, don’t be afraid to jump in and say you want to give others a chance to talk.

1) Set the stage for the sift from small talk to BIG talk. Ask participants to:

- Suspend judgment as best you can
- Listen with respect
- Seek to understand rather than persuade
- Invite and honor diversity of opinion
- Speak what has personal heart and meaning
- Go for honesty and depth … without going on and on

2) Set a clear and deep intention for the conversation –in this case, the challenge of bringing our creativity and intelligence to the imminent threat of war on Iraq and a desire to explore the diversity of views in the room – to explore, be curious, discover NEW thoughts rather than soap-boxing. You may want to light a candle to represent the desire to bring light to this issue.

3) Introduce use of the ancient tradition of a talking object. (You can use any object – a stone, a favorite carving – at Conversation Cafes we like to use a ball that looks like the earth). When you hold the talking object, everyone listens with care and openness, and you speak from a thoughtful place.

Begin the series of two initial rounds, where each person is invited to take a turn to speak from what has personal heart and meaning, using the talking object (it is always OK to pass!). In the first round, people introduce themselves and share what brought them to the potluck; in the second round they may reflect on what they’ve heard and respond to the question, As the host, you can begin each round and thus model the kind of responses you are hoping for, i.e. thoughtful, deep, personal – and somewhat brief. Thus you can also help make the transition between round 1 and 2. So after round 1, say something like, “Now we’ve heard from each of us… In this second round we may want to expand our initial thoughts or respond to something we’ve heard in the circle… Let’s share our best thinking around our challenge” …and here pose what you feel is the key questions, perhaps phrased as: What could make peace break out now? Where is it already happening? How can we make it grow and last? What are your best ideas for peace in these perilous times?

After Round 2, open the conversation to free dialogue. “Now it’s time for open discussion. We’ll place the talking object in the middle – we don’t need to use it unless things start going too fast -- anyone can pick it up at any time to signal they want to speak next.”

Ten minutes before you want to end stop the conversation and engage in a final round with the talking object. Ask each person to share in a word how he or she feels and what he or she is taking from the conversation. (You’ll be amazed at what richness this final round of reflection brings to the circle!)

Now’s a good time to take a break and get dessert! But let everyone know you want a little more group discussion – say in 20 minutes…

At the closing gathering, encourage group discussion directed towards possible future action and future contact with each other.